The Greatest Snowman

“A nervous hush has fallen over this crowd as we wait for two revolutionaries to take the ice.” “Two revolutionaries and a snowman.” “Right you are, Barbara, don’t discount that snowman.” “Chuck, I haven’t been this excited since I found out Mylie Cyrus wears spanx.” “The tension in the air is palpable, just one skate […]

Lost Dog

“Do you hear that?” “What?” “A phone,” Bob said.  “A phone is ringing.” “A phone?” Woodruff asked.  “A phone from where?” “A phone, a phone is ringing.” “You just said that sentence double.” “I just said that sentence double?” “You just said that sentence double, right there.” “Ooh!” Bob exclaimed.  “It’s a baby dog, stuck […]

This Mean This

Woodruff crouched next to Bob in a muddy wash, the roots of a mighty tree jutted out of the ground between them.  They fought, in vain, against their panting breaths as quietly as they could.  Woodruff’s hair was matted to his head in a sweaty mess, while Bob’s face and neck was covered with mud […]

Nothing But Nest

“Is that the last McGriddle?” Woodruff asked. Bob dug through the wadded up napkins in the greasy bag, until he found the bottom.  He looked at the breakfast sandwich, wrapped in yellow paper, and then back at Woodruff.  With a solemn nod of his head, Bob confirmed the awful truth. “I’ll play you for it,” […]

Raiders of the Last Gardyloo

A white mist covered the top of the waters as the skiff sailed forward.  Even without the fog, their visibility would have been limited by the thick leaves crowding the narrow waterway.  Woodruff leaned over the bow and peered through the haze. “You ever wonder what they do with the sleeves from sleeveless shirts?” Bob […]

Binged

“What day is it?” Woodruff asked. “It’s Saturday,” Bob said.  “Or Monday.  I’m not sure.  When did Oceanic 815 crash on the island?” “Uh, I think we started LOST on Friday.” “What episode are we on now?” “The Lighthouse, I think.” “Oh, um, that’s one hundred and eight episodes at forty-four minutes a piece,” Bob […]

Traffic Buster

“What’s the worst thing about traffic?” “The stop and go, the delay, the cars, the people, the pollution, when your crayons melt from the heat.” “No.” “What’s under the tarp?” “It’s part of the presentation.” “Your presentation just moved.” “Bob, focus.” “Uh, I don’t know, what’s the worst thing about traffic.” “The view,” Woodruff said.  […]

Ho Ho No

“So you’re saying they weren’t even there?” Bob asked. “Scripturally speaking, no,” Woodruff replied. “And the camels?” “I’m afraid not, they are most likely representations that the men came from foreign lands to the east.” “I feel so betrayed.” “The nativity is really a combination of the New Testament account in chapters two of Luke […]

Pain Does Not Exist

“Wua,” Bob said as waved his arms back and forth. “Bob.” “Wa, ha, cha, wau, hu!” Bob ranted as he spun around with his arm flailing wildly and kicked at the air. “Bob.” “Hiya!” Bob jumped toward Woodruff with a chopping arm motion and stopped just short of Woodruff’s neck.  Woodruff reached up slowly and […]